Communication model: Roos van Leary: How to deal with difficult behavior?
Everyone knows someone who is difficult to deal with. However, these people do have friends and partners. Why? Because there are no “difficult” people, but there are people we find difficult. De Roos van Leary is a communication model that offers insight into how relationships work and what the dynamics between people are. De Roos's basis explains that certain behavior also evokes certain behavior in response. This means that there is room to change your own behavior, so that you get a different response from the other person.
What is Leary's Rose?
The Leary Rose, developed by psychologist Timothy Leary, lecturer at Berkeley and Harvard, helps you understand how your behavior influences other people's behavior. The model divides behavior into four quadrants based on two axes: dominant-submissive and cooperative-counteracting.
- Dominant behavior evokes submissive behavior in most people and vice versa.
- Collaborative behavior elicits collaborative behavior.
- Most people respond to counteracting behavior with counterproductive behavior.
Practical examples
• Collaborative behavior: If a colleague kindly asks you to do something, there is a good chance that you will respond benevolently.
• Opposing behavior: When someone demands something angry or coercive, you often react with resistance, frustration and rebellious behavior.
If communication isn't going well, you can use Leary's Rose to influence the other person's behavior. When a colleague aggressively tells you it's time to do it like this. Then many people respond primarily along the lines of “well boy, go do it yourself if you know it so well!”. Leary's Rose teaches us that the following response is much more effective: “Oh, you want it that way. That's possible, but I was thinking about it sister and stuff. Let's discuss it together.”
Solution:
In the previous example, it was deliberately chosen to react differently to behavior that seems annoying or difficult. Instead of responding primarily, the choice is made to react in the opposite way, but at the same level in terms of dominance. So instead of counterbehavior/dominant, we respond from collaborative behavior/leadership.
In short:
• React from the same level of dominance, but change the tone of the interaction. (behaviour against behaviour)
• Stay dominant for a while, but show that you want to work together instead of opposing or vice versa that you want to do something alone!
Three tips for effective communication in favor of better relationship dynamics:
1. Tune in to the other person's level of dominance.
2. Understand the other person's concerns. This can reduce tension.
3. Stay assertive: clearly state your own wishes and limits.
Conclusion
The Rose of Leary teaches you how to deal with different behavioral styles without judging them. By applying the model properly, you can improve communication and turn difficult interactions into effective collaborations.
Leary's Rose is a very applicable method, immediately gives great results and I can really recommend De Roos to everyone. Want to know more about this? Sign up for the workshop here.
